I always wondered how I was going to die, and now now I know. Meru is the culmination of all I've done and all I've wanted to do is this peak and this climb. Conrad's reputation among climbers is flawless. I only go on expeditions with people that I know and that I trust. As a team you're the sum total of all your experience. I'd heard about Renan, I knew he was strong enough. When we got there and I looked up at the mountain I didn't know what we were getting into.

For years and years and years Conrad, who was my mentor, had been dreaming about this climb because his mentor, Mugs Stump had made multiple attempts on this climb as well. And so, it just had this kind of aura around it especially for me, because I knew what it meant to Conrad. The thing about this film is that the intention behind it was to show a side of climbing that I didn't think that mainstream audience really got. I think that climbing and mountain climbing is portrayed a certain way, and so I wanted to really focus on things that were important to the experience that I had as a climber.

We embarked in 2008 on this climb and started shooting together but one of the themes that we talk about in the film that I feel is really important is mentorship. You know, you don't go to... like, a school for learning how to aid climb. You... you're mentored and you're shown, and it's the legacy of a climber, and that's really one of themes that we look at in the film.

Renan: Climbing with your mentors is a dangerous thing sometimes because you give them all of your trust. I gave them everything and... there was a constant battle in my mind every day. Renan: I'd be freezing, shivering uncontrollably but I definitely didn't want to be the guy that said Oh, I'm cold, I wanna go down. Loose, eh? Jimmy: It must've been negative 20 when the sun went around the corner. It's just debilitating trying to climb in those kind of temperatures. It's all about climbing the cracks but I don't see any here. Renan: We'd hit these totally blank sections of rock and I was sure there wasn't anywhere else to go. But then Jimmy or Conrad would launch into the void. Jon: You know this is steep modern A-4 aid climbing. It's using tools, you're a craftsman. Tapping and pounding and tweaking, and he's like this cabinet maker, you know chiseling away this cabinet out of walnut or something except, you know, if you hit that chisel one more time when you're cabinet maker maybe you split it you ruin this cabinet. Bummer. If you're on an A-4 pitch, you like, split the cabinet you die.

It's a wild clip. We wanted to share this clip because it kind of shows this moment, this very dramatic moment where we're trying to build the tension in the film, and also kind of highlight Renan's psychological state at that moment and also contrast that with where Jimmy and Conrad may be. And you know, in terms of a narrative like, it's adding drama and dissension let's put this potential for dissension amongst the team and this question as to what's gonna happen next?

Another aspect of climbing, of course that we try to tackle or at least look at is risk. So much of being a climber and an alpinist is obviously risk assessment and it's a constant assessment of your situation. Constant assessment of what your exit strategies are if something goes wrong, but you're also struggling to move upwards. It's a very kind of calculated space you have to be in and you have to constantly balance, you know what your ego is telling you and, you know, your drive, and you know, the safety of the team, and... So, risk is something that, you know Chai and I obviously talked about a lot in the making of this film. And I would get these looks while we're in the editing room, like “Are you out of your mind?”, which is actually one of the great challenges of making the film. Well, risk was this I mean, it was constant dialogue because what we were-- In this dream to have this film kind of speak to a more general audience, we had to address this idea of are they bonkers or not?, like, “are they totally crazy” which wouldn't be true to Jimmy's vision for the film where he really wanted to bring to light, you know the real aspirations and dreams, and mentorship and friendship that functions in this mountaineering world, and... The crazy question always worked against that because then people would write them off they're just crazy, you know. And what seemed to be the way to address it was to bring in the families, talk, you know illustrate the stakes and also try to give voice to this very sophisticated decision making that they're kind of experiencing on the mountain.

Jenni Anker: When Conrad and I first got married he made all these promises Oh, I'm never gonna go to the big mountains again. I knew he would never quit climbing but it wasn't long before he was dreaming of some other big expedition and I was just rolling my eyes going, “Right, okay.” Conrad: High-altitude Himalayan climbing is very risky. It is the most dangerous professional sport. But I think with Meru that risk is worth it. As an alpinist, Meru is the culmination of all I've done, and all I've wanted to do, is this peak and this climb. Jenni Anker: I am not fooled by them, and they're like “Oh, I'll be safe, I'll be safe.” I know that stuff can happen. You know, that's what I always say. Yeah, yeah. But stuff can happen.

And then on the other side of this is that the climbing community and genre is quite understated. Like, if you ask them was that difficult they're like, “It was fine.” We almost died, but it was fine. You know, it's a very, very understated culture and there's like, I've got some-- like, I'm allowed to make fun of Jimmy for this a little bit because I'm his wife and his film-making partner but it's just... I wanted-- It was important for me to include the next clip that we're going to show because it was just an interesting and it wasn't included originally and I... it spoke to the understatement of the culture, and... how Jimmy was loathe to put himself in the movie.

Five, four, three, two, one. Xavier De La Rue. Jeremy: The general mood was pretty light our objective for the day had been reached. Good vibes. Our conversation before dropping in was go one at a time, make sure everyone's in a safe spot. Drop in! Jimmy: So, Jeremy made a couple turns cut up on the side of this safe zone. Called me in, and I make a turn right next to his turn, and then, and then I feel it... the whole slope... shift. Jeremy: I yell avalanche. Just screaming, get out, get out, get out. Jimmy: For a moment it looks like slow motion and the next moment everything went to fast forward, and it just... I got swept. I'm airborne. Totally weightless. Jeremy: And I lost sight of him. That was the last I saw of Jimmy and the slide... just kept going and going and going and going. Jimmy: I just got crushed under an ocean of car-sized blocks. Probably going 70-80 miles an hour, down 2,000 vertical feet. And in my mind, I heard this voice having this conversation, it was like why I always wondered how I was going to die and now, now I know. Jimmy: I was just expecting to get torn to pieces but after a while it started to slow down and this weird undercurrent started pushing me up through the snow, and at the last moment I popped out of the toe of this thing buried up to my chest. I was in that moment being like Oh, my god,

I'm in one piece like I coughed up this huge chunk of snow and I took this huge breath and I was like and I looked at my arms and I was like, I mean I couldn't even believe they were still connected to my body. And then... yeah, it was a lot. Jeremy: It was really difficult to descend and it felt like forever but I come around the corner and way out at the very bottom of the biggest debris fields I've ever seen is Jimmy sitting upright. Jeremy: This avalanche has trumped all avalanches I've ever seen. I couldn't help but think Jimmy's dead. I just can't believe that he survived it. Oh, whoa! -Whoo! -Whoo! You just saw a miracle. Yeah, they saw a miracle or they saw superhuman effort, I saw something, I don't know...

So, I normally walk out of the film during that scene because it is the most difficult scene for me to watch for a few reasons. One... is that we get-- The idea of risk comes up often around Meru. And then, I'm often asked the question about like, “how do I feel about what Jimmy does”, and you know my candid answer is I'm more nervous about our backyard in Jackson Hole where he goes out all the time and something like this happened. Then I am, when he is on expedition with you know, the best of the best like Conrad... So, that's one, thats personally why this is difficult for me, but... You know, there is no reenactment in Meru except for the actual avalanche footage here which is shot by an avalanche expert. And it's true to the spirit-- like to the facts, the scale of the avalanche. The footage of the debris field and Jimmy afterwards is all real. And this of course is... as a non, I don't know, adventure shooter I was like, how could you have had three camera crews up there and no one shot the actual avalanche? And then they very generously explained to me that like, your chances of, you know finding a survivor are much higher if you start making your way down as fast as possible and like, figuring out where they may have gone and hence, you know, they could've saved Jimmy's life if-- So, hence it doesn't exist. The debate in the film is, you know living life and the decisions you make. And the decisions you make about risking too much and risking too little. I don't think there's a conclusion we make from it but I think it just hopefully draws-- those questions out in the audience. They're intractable decisions, kind of, you know, they're they are the questions of life, and... hopefully that comes out in the film. Yeah.